3 Cats and their Cat Sitter

An open letter to the humans who maintain the home of three very important house cats.

Regarding the Pet Sitter, Amy.

Dear Humans we Dominate,


"Sometimes, the truth hurts. To bad." Erie

This letter is long overdue.  The substitute Amy the pet sitter has been “tending” to our needs for years now and we are just now making time in our busy schedule to tell you what we think of her.  First of all, she smells.  Bad.  Like dogs.  It disgusts us.  If you could talk to her about that you won’t regret doing it.  Secondly, she does not feed us enough.  I’m sure this is either a shining example of what you consider is “good for us” or of Amy’s inability to follow instructions.

Fred disagrees but Obi and I (Erie) think that 30 minutes a day is not enough time to adequately care for our needs and provide necessary adoration.  We want her here to pay attention to us when we are ready, no when she just happens to be around.  Therefore, we have decided she should be on call, so that we can summon her as needed, 24-7.


Fred allows me a peak at his lovely coat.

Fred says to make her leave quickly and tell her to stop uncovering him.  

Obi is really upset, he invested a lot of time watching the houses on the street and chose you as his caretakers and you routinely leave him with Amy who does not feed him enough.

We might consider forgiving you for leaving us if you reintroduced canned food into our paltry diet.  As for Amy, we’ve decided she is as trained as she is going to get and that training a new substitute would be to much trouble so you can keep her.  Do talk to her about the smell though.

Your Adored Cats,

Erie, Obi Wan and Fred


Obi Wan Cat

"See, she smells bad." Obi Wan


Cats’ Emails to Their Humans on a Weekend Away

These Happy Critters were abandoned to my care for the first time.  This is what they had to say to their humans via email.

Correspondence shown in maroon are letters received from the Cats to the Humans.

Correspondence shown in black are letters received from the Humans to the cats.

Notes in blue are from the Pet Sitter (aka. Substitute Mom).

"Your really left us?"

Dear humans who have apparently abandoned us,

The substitute showed up, so that’s a good start. She tended to our needs as instructed under jimi and Simons supervision. We all graced her with a chance to pet us then ignored her, as a substitute deserves.

Your cats.

(they become much more affectionate with the substitute very quickly!  I was glad to see everyone. All is well here, unless you’re an “abandoned” cat that is)

Dear Substitute Mom,

All of us humans were very happy to hear from our kitty friends.

We arrived here a little later than we planned 6 humans need more breaks than the 1 puppy.

All the owners especially Jimis’ much appreciated update and can see he is in good hands


"We aren't being fed at all."

Abandonment Day 2:

To the humans on probation,

(Henry is the spokes cat) Mila, Jimi and I greeted the substitute. Yes, she gave us pets and Simon finally intruded on that but we are being starved!  Jimi is having great time chasing Simon. The rest of us are bored.

The Cats

"We are not getting any affection and it's very stressful."

Abandonment Day 3:

We are under a lot of stress right now. That’s all we can say

It was a stressful day for all of us too…. we’re hoping tomorrow is a better day

We miss you all too

"If she trips and breaks something she won't be able to leave."

Abandonment Day 4:

Well, the substitute is quite trainable so she is acceptable. Feeding the birds is a waste of OUR time though.

"I don't like her at all."

Last Day!

Ok, the sub can be used again. That is if you can bear to leave us again, which is unfathomable to us.


"Ok, you can let her care for us again."


We appreciate the great care you gave the kitty crowd… They were missed.

Chloe’s Mutt Strut at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway

Chloe the Pug at the Mutt Strutt at Indianapolis Motor Speedway

Chloe, the 10 year young Pug, has been a Happy Critter since 2003. She took her human to Mutt Strut on Saturday May 1st, 2011 to strut her stuff and benefit her cousins at the Humane Society Of Indianapolis. Chloe persuaded her mom to walk the entire 2.5 miles without her mom needing to carry her. (Carrying Chloe helps her mom feel safe in strange places.) She did have to let her human rest and get a drink a few times but she is nonetheless very proud of her human for her assistance in helping the homeless animals.

Chloe and her mom dedicate their Mutt Strut to Cooper, who was surely walking along side them in spirit.

Pug Power at the Brickyard.

Chloe burns up the track at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.

Cats Simon, Millie, Z Z and Fred Keep Track of their Pet Sitter

To our humans,

We are unsure how you can bear to leave us as often as you do, but you do manage it. You have provided a substitute servant for us and over the years she has improved her efficiency and been able to spend more time offering us her lap and providing pets.

Simon reminds me of my priorities - canned food of course.

She does not let us outdoors at all which is frustrating.  Except that Fred gets to go out, unfair!

Fred keeping track of Z Z

(Fred here:  I do get access to the house this time, at last, but she is still a bit scary.  I have allowed her to pet me a few times though.  She does provide canned food after all and I just can’t resist trying to trip when when she’s carrying it.)

(Pet sitter’s note:  Fred is a feral cat who over the last 3-4 years has become an increasingly more domesticated cat of his own accord. What is a feral cat? )

(Simon here: She is spending way to much time letting Fred in and out this trip though.)

She does not visit us nearly long or often enough.  Perhaps she could stay here next time to attend to our needs appropriately?

We are also dissatisfied with the areas of the house unjustly off limits to us.  She refuses to open the doors or let us into these areas that are rightfully ours.  Apparently someone has barricaded the doors this time so we can’t even provide access ourselves.

(Simon again:  The guest bathroom is also closed, this is surely an oversight on your part as you know that I like to look out he window in that room.  Filling the bathtub was just for fun, I only did it once and I probably wouldn’t do it again.  Haven’t you heard of second chances?)

Simon on his way to keep track of my activities.

Millie being disturbed from her wistful watching of the outside world.

(Millie here:  She sometimes will try to clean my eyes which is unacceptable behavior.  Period.  I do give her a bit of affection from time to time, even sitting in her lap occasionally.  She keeps the boxes clean, but not quite up to my exacting standards.)

(Z Z here:  At last she is letting my best friend Fred in the house.  I don’t understand why she isn’t letting me out when he goes out.  At least he gets to come in.  It’s also unfair that he gets access to the areas of the house off limits to us when he comes and goes.  Who knows what we are missing in there?)

Best Friends reunited.

ZZ showing off his best side.

As a rule, leaving us is unacceptable of course.  But, f you could make the above changes in the servants routine, (Amy is it?) we may consider not knock over any more lamps.

That’s our offer.

Simon, Millie, Fred and Z Z

We are Just to busy….

Happy Holidays from the critters of Amy’s Happy Critters, Inc.,

They would like to me to let everyone know that they still have plenty to say but the holidays are just to busy a time to mess with it.  Some of the reasons I have been given are:

  • “It’s hard work inspecting and approving or disapproving of all the strangers that the humans just let walk right in.”
  • “The door bell rang again!  Someone’s here to see ME!”
  • “The door is open….perhaps I can sneak out…”
  • “The floors, counters, kitchen tables, coffe tables, laps of visitors, (in Riley the Wonder Dog’s case-refrigerators) and especially small children are a source of so many treats, it’s a full time job scavenging.”
  • “New laps to sit on, I hope some of them don’t like cats.”
  • ‘Toddlers, watch your tails.”
  • “My humans are gone, again, and the substitute does not live here.  Boring.”

As you can see, the critters are busy.

They assure me they will have much to report in 2011!


If you are, ever have been or ever intend to be owned by a cat this is very important information.

The Kitty Constitution as dictated to Nique, the Ambassador to:
The United Coalition of Kitties for World Domination, established 1046 BC.
We the Cats
of Your Household, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility do ordain and establish this Constitution for the entire Cat Population.
Article 1.
Section 1:All Responsibility herein shall be granted to the Humans of the Household, fully revokable at any time.
Section 2: Humans will secure and provide sustenance daily, recurring same time, without exception. Petting and Play shall be daily rituals.
Section 3: Sun, Water, and Verbal Adoration will be provided in abundance.

Section 4: Under no circumstances will kitties be forcibly removed from premises.

All dogs are Subservient creatures subject to ridicule for the amusement of the Cats.

Burmese Kitties Think it May be a Bit Early for a Visit

Cuddled up in bed 🙂

Dear Humans,

Over the years we have come to accept your need to travel from time to time.  After all, we need our solitude and that can be a bit of a challenge to have that with humans underfoot.  We do appreciate the substitute feeder that you have provided. She does waste to much time watering plants and messing with garbage cans though.  Food and water are provided as instructed.

Molly Brown speaks out:  I decided that Amy was acceptable in only 5 years.  She is fortunate that I decided so quickly.  I still have to remind her that treats are required before leaving but all in all she’s not the worst servant we have had to train.

Matilda has her say:  She puts the goop and the powder in our canned food and I am not crazy about that.  She does visit at inconvenient cat nap times occasionally.  But, I agree with Molly Brown, she was easily trained.

We have decided that if you must leave us that providing a substitute servant is mandatory.  We would like you to provide a constant attendant but part time help will apparently have to do and as we are used to her, Amy will nicely.

Molly Brown and Matilda

Three Cats in Disbelief, “You Left Us? Again?!!”

Food at last!


We can’t believe that you left us with a part time attendant and took the dog to spend the weekend in the country.  As you can see we are starving here while you are gone.  We know she’s your cousin, can’t you get her to move it or something?  We require more attention and more food.  We had to pull the plastic food bin out from under the chair, open it and tear into the bag to get at the food last night to prevent starvation.  (We were sure to close the lid again as fresh food is important to us.)  Now our so called caretaker has put the food in the laundry room and closed the door.  What will we do later when hunger sets in?  Humans seem to have no regard for the delicate dietary needs of felines, at least not in this house.  The only kind words we have for her are that she pets us and acknowledges our exceptional attractiveness.  The fresh water and clean box are appreciated too.  Still, we prefer live-in care, see what you can do about that for next time.

Romeo, Peanut and Charlie

PS:  You can leave the dog in the country if you want.

A Letter From Cricket the Cat

My sisters cat, Cricket, has spent the last two summers with us.  She has claimed the upstairs as her personal domain.  She ignores our dogs and despises our cats, aka the”black devils”.  She wanted me to pass the following letter on to my sister shortly after she returned to California without Cricket.

Cricket and a tribble

Dear Former Caretaker,

The substitute attendant you have provided is adequate.  She does not understand that breakfast is to be promptly served at 5:00am each day and my pleas for sustenance in a timely manner go unanswered.  She is as much as an hour late at least once a week.  Dinner is served at her own pace too, but it’s usually early rather than late at least.  She does open interesting closets and cabinets from time to time to provide a bit of fun.  Fresh tissue paper to sit on is provided and maintained properly.  I haven’t puked once since you left, knock on wood.  I have allowed the attendant to pet me and I have graced her with a visit to her monitor on more then one occasion though  I have to share that space with tribble, whatever that is.  I have successfully banished the Black Devils from my domain and I occasionally torment the dimwitted dogs by meowing over the edge of the loft.  All in all, exile in the Hoosier state is much less stressful this time with the one exception that last time I was able to choose my own feeding routine since no one knew that I had unlimited access to the food bag.

Perhaps willing to take you back with appropriate groveling and bribes,