My sisters cat, Cricket, has spent the last two summers with us. She has claimed the upstairs as her personal domain. She ignores our dogs and despises our cats, aka the”black devils”. She wanted me to pass the following letter on to my sister shortly after she returned to California without Cricket.
Dear Former Caretaker,
The substitute attendant you have provided is adequate. She does not understand that breakfast is to be promptly served at 5:00am each day and my pleas for sustenance in a timely manner go unanswered. She is as much as an hour late at least once a week. Dinner is served at her own pace too, but it’s usually early rather than late at least. She does open interesting closets and cabinets from time to time to provide a bit of fun. Fresh tissue paper to sit on is provided and maintained properly. I haven’t puked once since you left, knock on wood. I have allowed the attendant to pet me and I have graced her with a visit to her monitor on more then one occasion though I have to share that space with tribble, whatever that is. I have successfully banished the Black Devils from my domain and I occasionally torment the dimwitted dogs by meowing over the edge of the loft. All in all, exile in the Hoosier state is much less stressful this time with the one exception that last time I was able to choose my own feeding routine since no one knew that I had unlimited access to the food bag.
Perhaps willing to take you back with appropriate groveling and bribes,