An open letter to the humans who maintain the home of three very important house cats.
Regarding the Pet Sitter, Amy.
Dear Humans we Dominate,
This letter is long overdue. The substitute Amy the pet sitter has been “tending” to our needs for years now and we are just now making time in our busy schedule to tell you what we think of her. First of all, she smells. Bad. Like dogs. It disgusts us. If you could talk to her about that you won’t regret doing it. Secondly, she does not feed us enough. I’m sure this is either a shining example of what you consider is “good for us” or of Amy’s inability to follow instructions.
Fred disagrees but Obi and I (Erie) think that 30 minutes a day is not enough time to adequately care for our needs and provide necessary adoration. We want her here to pay attention to us when we are ready, no when she just happens to be around. Therefore, we have decided she should be on call, so that we can summon her as needed, 24-7.
Fred says to make her leave quickly and tell her to stop uncovering him.
Obi is really upset, he invested a lot of time watching the houses on the street and chose you as his caretakers and you routinely leave him with Amy who does not feed him enough.
We might consider forgiving you for leaving us if you reintroduced canned food into our paltry diet. As for Amy, we’ve decided she is as trained as she is going to get and that training a new substitute would be to much trouble so you can keep her. Do talk to her about the smell though.
Your Adored Cats,
Erie, Obi Wan and Fred